Hi all,
Ok, here's the story (it's a long one). Some people may remember me harping on about tonsillitis last summer. I had all the usual stuff, swollen nodes, sore throat etc. However, after a week, although the tonsillitis cleared up, I was left with neck pain.. i googled this, and found it to be linked to lymphoma, which has left me fraught with worry ever since (pretty much since July). Over subsequent months, it has spread from being on one side of my neck to both, as well as under my arms, in my stomach, and behind my knees; all sites where there are lymph nodes, only further re-enforcing my theory that I'm gravely ill.
I've been to various doctors over it scores of times, and had many blood tests, a scan, and an x-ray, and none of them can find anything wrong with me. I've spent nearly all my money seeing a private guy because I've been so worried, but he (and my g.p) have diagnosed me with anxiety and/or depression. He said that I have swollen nodes, but all the tests I've had discount anything serious, and that this is the "stress response", i.e the nodes swell up when you're under large amounts of stress, and I'm effectively wearing my immune system down through worry.. and that to jump from tonsillitis to lymphoma is a very big jump indeed. However, I spent a large amount of time googling symptoms at the start of all this and as a result have pretty much convinced myself that's what I've got, and I'm finding it incredibly hard to break out of this mindset.
I would be the first to admit that I've felt pretty low recently, but I'm finding it hard to remember whether I was this down before I became 'ill', or as a consequence of it.. the old "what came first, the chicken or the egg" scenario. It doesn't help that I've always very much been of the opinion that depression "isn't a real illness, just an excuse to stay off work for months" etc etc for most of my life, and I've always prided myself on being able to cope with anything that life throws at me, so I'm finding it incredibly hard to accept that this is a mental problem that's causing physical symptoms and aching.
I know this isn't a medical forum, but I've found that most people on them are compulsive worriers (like myself!) and don't really help. I was wondering if anyone (NickD aside.. he's been very helpful to me in recent months with his words of wisdom) has experience dealing with anxiety/depression, and does anyone recognise what I'm describing as typical symptoms? I'm only 24 and I hate feeling like this, but at the same time, although I know it's probably irrational, I have a horrible feeling I'm ill and I'm being mis-diagnosed, everyday is just the same, with this stuff going round and round in my head. I feel like I can't move on with my life and do what I want, because there's no future for me. I can't deal with this pain anymore.
Sorry if this all sounds incredibly self-indulgent, but I really could use some advice.
Thanks in advance guys/gals
Andy
|