Hi - I havent posted on here recently - I wrote a while ago about my cancer and my relationship with my family and my love for them and music...... 18 months ago my lovely, kind, sensitive son went around our house and took every tablet he could find, after everything had become intollerable for him. He was 15. We knew he was struggling, but, like most parents - you never think that your child would actually want to die. We won the lottery..........he survived......(despite taking 94 tablets).........and he received brilliant care with both our police (who found him) and a special unit in Sheffield for children with mental health issues. It is virtually impossible to explain the depths of pain that, as a family, you go through at this time. It is even harder to work out a way back......together. Once again - music has stepped in to our aid! My son had already developed his own tastes in music, and was given a Neil McSweeney vinyl by his teacher in his unit in Sheffield, when he left to face the outside world..... We had, of course, imposed our love of Hawley on him!!!! and I spent long evenings listening to, and playing him various LPs, and he - in turn - would play me some too ......it was during these nights that we began to speak of the events before, and his depression. Teenagers, especially I think, struggle to explain how they feel - or to find the right words - but he used music as a way of explanation - some was angry, some was happy and some was so raw - it was hard to hear........but it really helped us. Initial trips out were to second hand record shops (thankyou god!) - it was a relief to have sounds to fill the gaps of conversation that naturally occured. Music gave us all time to breathe and time to think, and time to re-adjust our lives. Life has changed - forever. My boy is now doing well - I love his braveness for fighting on - for facing friends and family afterwards. For 'manning' up to medication and 'therapy',His pride in his beliefs. I love his humour too - we have unbelievably managed to find laughter in the events surrounding the past 18 months! I love his big unchecked bear hugs and unrequested 'I Love You's', and I really love hearing him select tunes before going out on a weekend - happy and excited..... I try hard to not yell 'turn it down' - because for me - it means he is here, with us. Alive. Having had cancer - I always thought about me leaving him, not it being the other way around. Life hits hard like that sometimes...... but ever the optimist - I see the positives that have come out of all of this. We took him to see Richard at Sheffield City Hall last year - and I spent as much time looking at him marvel at the sounds (and guitar collections!), as I did the stage........seeing the delight on his face - the unguarded surprised joy......This has enabled me to draw a breath and keep moving forward. I cant wait for the live album! - Recorded while we were there......Ive promised him a vinyl copy.......its one of life's little unexpected surprises - being there - all together - and all sharing something wonderful. Thankyou again for the huge music - I know lots of people have 'Hawley' stories......I just felt as if now was the right time to tell mine (again!) I cannot process what lies ahead for my son, me and my family - so much of it is out of my reach - all I can do is keep caring. And make cups of tea. Life is good. xxxx
_________________ we should all take a minute to care......
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