I only got my first tattoo two years ago when I was 44!
I waited because it had to be something that I really, really wanted. Something that would inspire me every time I looked at it. And over time a lot of ideas occurred to me, but I was always waffling back-and-forth, so I just thought, I'll know what to get when I know what to get. I didn't want to get a tattoo just for the sake of having one, I wanted it to be highly personal and meaningful. I didn't want something common or trite, or that would become outdated, and NO. Tramp stamps. EVER.
I've watched a lot of friends get tattoos over the years, and sometimes they tried to drag me along to get one, but I just wasn't ready. And I was fine with the idea of never getting one at all, if that's how it worked out.
I could always appreciate a lot of the artistry and thoughtfulness people put into their work, and beauty of the designs and colors. But let's face it, there are some jacked up tattoos out there. Another reason I hadn't gotten one was because I've had a couple of lengthy professions working with the public where it would've been really frowned upon, and would have very likely been detrimental to me in a real way. Times have changed and now there's so much less stigma, which is cool, but at the time it would not have worked for me.
It's true, life is painful enough without bringing more into it. I've had a lot of pain and I have a lot of scars. I'm no goody two shoes, and I'm in no place to judge how anyone chooses to live their lives--life is different for everyone, and everyone has their coping mechanisms. But just for me, I think the reason I never truly allowed myself to slip into substance-abuse was that somehow, even when I was very young, and even through all of the pain, I just knew that doing so would only serve to make things worse. I don't know how I knew that, but I did.
I understand self-medicating, though. I've watched it many times up close. And I won't say it wasn't tempting to give into it sometimes. But I just kept thinking, it's not going to help, it's piling problems on top of problems. That doesn't make me morally better than anybody who has struggled with it, and I don't look down on anyone who has. It's just how it worked out for me.
However. So much shit has gone down in my life, and a lot of it would have (and has) killed some people. There's been plenty of times when I was absolutely convinced that it would kill me. All my life people have told me I'm stronger than I know. I never felt that way, but it has slowly dawned on me that they may be right. There's no way I'd be here otherwise.
But you can only carry around so much for so long. Things become so hard to bear; they get heavy, and you need to put them down. So a few years ago, I was carrying way too much and I was in a very bad place. There had been so much cumulative damage, and I did not have the tools in my toolbox to fix it. It was really bad. Things came to a head and I had to make a decision whether to keep going or stop altogether.
And that's when a favorite song lyric struck me: "Carry on/It's a marathon." That had always stuck with me, and right then when I needed it the most, it just clicked. That was the tattoo I had been wanting, without a doubt. It's on the inside of my forearms where I can look at it every day. It's a positive reminder for me of my overcoming so much pain, and serves as a gentle reminder to pace myself, to take it easy, but no matter what, to keep going. That I do have the strength.
Getting that tattoo was a great decision. I found it to be cathartic, and as a result, it has made me much more open to other tattoo possibilities. It hasn't exactly opened the ink floodgates, but now that I work for myself, from home, in a freer, much more artistic way, I feel like fuck it, I'll do what I want.
And of course, that thing that comes with aging where you no longer give a shit what people think. That helps too.
I've always been enamored of, and have often reminded myself of, the possibilities and truth of "Mighty oaks from little acorns grow." As a sentiment, I think it goes hand-in-hand with my first tattoo, actually. Some guy reworded that and put in a song recently, or so I hear. Anyway, it makes me think of strength and patience, growth and potential. Making something huge from very little. And to never again underestimate my own capabilities to do so, nor to allow others to underestimate me (I can't tell you what a theme that has been in my life). It really reflects where I'm at right now. Sooooooo. That sure might happen.
Also I dig oak trees and acorns.