Richard Hawley

you're more than welcome trakka, my work is done

Oh, yes, well-done, onion!

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."

_________________
http://www.last.fm/user/strumms
I saw an elsebound train, on the overpass
In the driving rain, every ticket costs the same
For where you can't go
Mustang horses, champagne glasses
Anything frail anything wild
It's the price of living motion, what's beautiful is broken
And grace is just the measure of a fall.

Im here all week !

_________________
http://www.last.fm/user/strumms
I saw an elsebound train, on the overpass
In the driving rain, every ticket costs the same
For where you can't go
Mustang horses, champagne glasses
Anything frail anything wild
It's the price of living motion, what's beautiful is broken
And grace is just the measure of a fall.

There was a papa mole, a mamma mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse.
Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell sausage!"
Mamma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!"
Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles.
Baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses

Little Vincent



Little Vincent came into the kitchen where his mother was making
dinner.

His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time
to tell his mother what he
wanted:
"Mom, I want a bike for my birthday."
Little Vincent was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into
trouble... at school and at home.
Vincent's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a
bike for his birthday.
Little Vincent, of course, thought he did.
Vincent's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted him to reflect
On his behaviour over the last year, and write a letter to God, and
tell him why he deserved a bike for his birthday.
Little Vincent stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to
Write God a letter.

LETTER 1:
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike
for my birthday. I want a red one. Your friend, Vincent.

Vincent knew this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy
This year, so he tore up he letter and started
over.

LETTER 2:
Dear God,
This is your friend Vincent. I have been a pretty good boy this
year, and I would like a red bike for my
birthday.
Thank you,
Vincent.

Vincent knew this wasn't true either. He tore up the letter and
Started again.

LETTER 3:
Dear God,
I have been an OK boy this year and I would really like a red
bike for my birthday.
Your friend,
Vincent.

Vincent knew he could not send this letter to God either.

Vincent was very upset. He went
downstairs and told his mother
he wanted to go to church.

Vincent's mother thought her plan had worked because Vincent
looked very sad.

"Just be home in time for dinner," his mother said.

Vincent walked down the street to the church and up to the
altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. He picked up a statue
of the Virgin Mary.
He slipped it under his shirt and ran out of the church, down
the street, into his house, and up to his room.
He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper
and a pen.

Vincent began to write his letter to God.

LETTER 4:
I'VE GOT YOUR MUM.
IF
YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE F*CKING BIKE.
Signed
YOU KNOW WHO

From Mariposa Elementary School playground, circa 1973:

Superman is flying over Wonder Woman's house when he spies her out back in a hammock, naked and spread eagle, gyrating around. He decides he's up for a quickie and comes down, and with super-speed, has his way with her and then quickly flies off. "What was that?" asked Wonder Woman. "I don't know," said the Invisible Man, "but boy is my ass sore!"

My 8 year-old promises to be the hit of the playground tomorrow. She's been rehearsing it for a couple of hours now. She asked, "how do people think of clever things?"

(She doesn't read the jokes on here herself - just thought I'd pass along this one )

is this true michele

_________________
Sunday morning sunlight,
mixed with moonlight in your eyes from last night.
www.myspace.com/theboyhoy

SACRILEGE

BURN THE HERETIC!

a thousand scoucers have been asked if they think that the british currency should be changed, 99% said no, they were happy with the giro

_________________
Sunday morning sunlight,
mixed with moonlight in your eyes from last night.
www.myspace.com/theboyhoy

Thank god for that-she'd get expelled repeating some of them on here