Richard Hawley

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 21, 2012 7:06 pm 
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Donkey Cock
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A mate of mine was into bestiality and necrophilia, but he eventually had to stop.



He said it was like flogging a dead horse.


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 11:08 am 
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Hawleytastic!
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Archeologists have unearthed a new Tomb in Egypt made entirely of Chocolate.
They says it contains the remains of Pharoah Rocher

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2012 8:33 pm 
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Geordie Admin Dominatrix
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Location: Up my own arse
:D


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 01, 2012 12:07 pm 
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Location: London
Man goes to the doctors with his wife, who has a hearing problem. The doctor tells them that, to test her hearing, the husband should call to her from 50 feet away, 40 feet away, 30 feet away and so on until she hears him clearly. This will help them determine her hearing range.
Back home, the wife goes into the kitchen and opens the windows while the man goes to the end of the garden to call to his wife.
"Mary, what's for dinner?" he asks but from Mary there is no response. He walks ten feet closer and calls: "Mary, what's for dinner?" but receives no answer. Ten feet nearer: "Mary, what's for dinner?" Again, no response and so on and so on, until he comes so close to his wife, he is standing right next to her.
"Mary, what's for dinner?" the husband says.
"For the fifth fucking time, it's chicken," she says.

Don't know if this is really funny but it was just told to me by an old boy outside my work and it made me laugh til I cried. Happy start to the day. x


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 13, 2012 5:33 pm 
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Hawleytastic!
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I thought I saw Michael J. Fox down at the garden centre but I could'nt be sure as he had his back to the fuchsia's.

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PostPosted: Sat Mar 31, 2012 12:21 pm 
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I need a life
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Location: oxford
This made me giggle in a very childish toilet humour way :*:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-17560468


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PostPosted: Mon May 21, 2012 3:50 pm 
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A man went to the bar and ordered a triple Chivas Regal. He gulped half of it and said to the barman "I shouldn't be having this with what I've got".
The barman said "Why? What have you got?"
The man said " About 50 pence".



Hope this hasn't benn on already.


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 05, 2012 5:36 pm 
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Gentleman of floral persuasion
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I called our local sea-life centre today.

They told me my call may be used for training porpoises. :D

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 07, 2012 10:38 pm 
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Hawleytastic!
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Little Dickie wrote:
I called our local sea-life centre today.

They told me my call may be used for training porpoises. :D


Quality.

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PostPosted: Thu Jul 19, 2012 11:23 am 
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Have a friend who texts me funnies every day – most of which are not in the least bit amusing. But this made me chuckle. Maybe it was the gin...

I almost sweet talked my way out of a speeding ticket last night, when I said to the female cop that I thought she looked gorgeous. But things took a turn for the worse when I added "and that's not the drink talking either!"


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 19, 2012 3:00 pm 
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Hawleytastic!
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Location: Cheshire
Olympic condoms available from Tesco - Gold Silver and Bronze.

Women have bought up all Silver stock - in the hope that for once their partners will come second.

[Jimmy Tarbuck Archive Tokyo 1964]


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 19, 2012 6:18 pm 
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Too much time on my hands
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Poppy Dog wrote:
Olympic condoms available from Tesco - Gold Silver and Bronze.

Women have bought up all Silver stock - in the hope that for once their partners will come second.

[Jimmy Tarbuck Archive Tokyo 1964]

:*:

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 21, 2012 6:30 pm 
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Hawley Super-Groupie
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Where do crabs and lobsters go to catch a train?




Kings Crustacean


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 12, 2012 4:17 am 
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Resident YouTube tech guru
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Location: Beside the big aeroplane.
Found out today what the generic name is for Viagra.....Mycoxafloppin.

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 12, 2012 6:02 pm 
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Been a long time since I last posted... I'll start with a joke...

A husband and wife came for counseling after 15 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of un-met needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately.
The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.

The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week Can you do this?"

The husband thought for a moment and replied,.. "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Friday's I go fishing."


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