Richard Hawley

Richard Hawley Forum
It is currently Thu Mar 28, 2024 11:20 am

All times are UTC [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 1276 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86  Next
Author Message
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 2:32 pm 
Offline
Hawleytastic!
User avatar

Joined: Thu Nov 24, 2005 12:12 pm
Posts: 4530
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Greek, a Russian, an Estonian, a German, an Italian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Czech, and a Swiss man walk into a pub.




The landlord says, "Sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai."


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Feb 17, 2011 1:52 pm 
Offline
Hawley Super-Groupie
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 25, 2007 2:17 pm
Posts: 378
Location: London
Tonto and the Lone Ranger are riding through the desert when Tonto spots 50 Indians ready to attack. "Quick run to that cave for cover", says Tonto. But the Indians have already seen them and fire their arrows. Not one hits Tonto, but all 50 hit the Lone Ranger. As he falls to the ground gasping for breath, he says to Tonto, "how come all 50 arrows hit me and not one of them hit you?". "Dunno", says Tonto, "maybe it's my aftershave, I'm wearing Aramis".


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sun Feb 20, 2011 10:18 pm 
Offline
Geordie Admin Dominatrix
User avatar

Joined: Mon Aug 20, 2007 10:46 pm
Posts: 5600
Location: Up my own arse
Man bought a budgie. It kept repeating 'Aah'm a Geordie budgie an' aah'm as hard as nails'.
After a week the man got so fed up he bought a kestrel and put it in the cage and said to the budgie 'Let's see how hard you are now!'Next morning the kestrel was dead. The budgie kept repeating 'Aah'm a Geordie budgie, aah'm as hard as nails'.
Man bought a buzzard and put it in the cage. Next morning the buzzard was dead and the budgie said 'Aa'm a Geordie budgie, aah'm as hard as nails'.
The bloke was really sick by now so he bought a golden eagle and put it in the cage. Next morning the golden eagle was dead and the budgie had no feathers. The budgie said 'Aah'm a Geordie budgie, aah'm as hard as nails - but aah had te tek me jacket off te deck that fucker'


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Feb 24, 2011 8:32 pm 
Offline
Hawleytastic!
User avatar

Joined: Sat Feb 16, 2008 4:26 pm
Posts: 1460
Location: Dvblinia
Image

_________________
breakingtunes.com/thechoirinvisible/


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Mar 22, 2011 11:40 am 
Offline
Hawley Super-Groupie
User avatar

Joined: Thu Oct 25, 2007 2:17 pm
Posts: 378
Location: London
Janet Street Porter walks into a bar and says "can I get a large
aperitif?".
Barman says "I f***ing doubt it."


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Mar 22, 2011 12:28 pm 
Offline
Hawleytastic!
User avatar

Joined: Sat Sep 15, 2007 7:21 pm
Posts: 1570
Location: Ireland
:*:

_________________
http://www.myspace.com/aceswild59


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Mar 22, 2011 8:51 pm 
Offline
Hawleytastic!
User avatar

Joined: Sat Sep 15, 2007 7:21 pm
Posts: 1570
Location: Ireland
Michael O'leary walks into a bar and asks the barman "How much is a pint of Guinness?"
€2, says the barman.
"Very good" says Michael, "I'll have a pint so".
"Would you like a glass with that?" says the Barman

_________________
http://www.myspace.com/aceswild59


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Mar 26, 2011 11:54 pm 
Offline
Hawleytastic!
User avatar

Joined: Sat Sep 15, 2007 7:21 pm
Posts: 1570
Location: Ireland
Man comes home from pub tells wife "Just heard our window cleaner's had every woman in this street bar one" Wife says "What! Bet it's that stuck-up cow from No. 23

_________________
http://www.myspace.com/aceswild59


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Apr 19, 2011 4:36 pm 
Offline
Hawley Super-Groupie
User avatar

Joined: Sun Sep 23, 2007 2:57 pm
Posts: 319
Location: Birmingham
A mate of mine was in court today charged with murdering a guy using sandpaper, he's pleading not guilty, as he only meant to rough him up a bit. :*:

_________________
Hoarding money is like saving sex for your old age....


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Apr 19, 2011 5:36 pm 
Offline
Hawley Super-Groupie

Joined: Tue Jun 08, 2010 6:27 pm
Posts: 319
Location: Chesvegas
:*: :*: :*:


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue May 03, 2011 8:38 am 
Offline
Hawleytastic!

Joined: Sun Nov 26, 2006 2:41 pm
Posts: 1049
Location: born in Sheffield
johnny wrote:
Man comes home from pub tells wife "Just heard our window cleaner's had every woman in this street bar one" Wife says "What! Bet it's that stuck-up cow from No. 23


Had to think a second there Johnny...........*...... :D :D :D


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue May 10, 2011 11:26 am 
Offline
Hawleytastic!

Joined: Tue Jan 26, 2010 10:56 am
Posts: 2625
Location: London
This has had me crying with laughter all morning.

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/soci ... 105103791/

Going to use the idiot spawn expression from now on. x


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2011 12:35 pm 
Offline
Hawleytastic!
User avatar

Joined: Sat Sep 15, 2007 7:21 pm
Posts: 1570
Location: Ireland
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go to the shop and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6."

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, "Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had eggs."

_________________
http://www.myspace.com/aceswild59


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat May 28, 2011 12:33 am 
Offline
Hawleytastic!
User avatar

Joined: Wed Dec 27, 2006 4:38 pm
Posts: 3506
Location: Cheshire
A silly one from Chris Evans this morning:

What did the Zero say to the Eight?
Where did you get your belt?

_________________
Always be a first rate version of yourself, instead of a second rate version of somebody else (Judy Garland)


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Wed Jul 27, 2011 9:59 am 
Offline
Gentleman of floral persuasion
User avatar

Joined: Mon Nov 23, 2009 7:06 pm
Posts: 1274
Location: Barnsley
Jimmy Saville walks into a faulty time-machine. Now .. then ... now ... then.

_________________
I'd rather have a mind opened by wonder than one closed by faith.


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 1276 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 79, 80, 81, 82, 83, 84, 85, 86  Next

All times are UTC [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 27 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group