Richard Hawley

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PostPosted: Wed Feb 16, 2011 2:32 pm 
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Hawleytastic!
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An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Greek, a Russian, an Estonian, a German, an Italian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Czech, and a Swiss man walk into a pub.




The landlord says, "Sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai."


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 17, 2011 1:52 pm 
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Hawley Super-Groupie
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Location: London
Tonto and the Lone Ranger are riding through the desert when Tonto spots 50 Indians ready to attack. "Quick run to that cave for cover", says Tonto. But the Indians have already seen them and fire their arrows. Not one hits Tonto, but all 50 hit the Lone Ranger. As he falls to the ground gasping for breath, he says to Tonto, "how come all 50 arrows hit me and not one of them hit you?". "Dunno", says Tonto, "maybe it's my aftershave, I'm wearing Aramis".


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 20, 2011 10:18 pm 
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Location: Up my own arse
Man bought a budgie. It kept repeating 'Aah'm a Geordie budgie an' aah'm as hard as nails'.
After a week the man got so fed up he bought a kestrel and put it in the cage and said to the budgie 'Let's see how hard you are now!'Next morning the kestrel was dead. The budgie kept repeating 'Aah'm a Geordie budgie, aah'm as hard as nails'.
Man bought a buzzard and put it in the cage. Next morning the buzzard was dead and the budgie said 'Aa'm a Geordie budgie, aah'm as hard as nails'.
The bloke was really sick by now so he bought a golden eagle and put it in the cage. Next morning the golden eagle was dead and the budgie had no feathers. The budgie said 'Aah'm a Geordie budgie, aah'm as hard as nails - but aah had te tek me jacket off te deck that fucker'


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 24, 2011 8:32 pm 
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Hawleytastic!
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Image

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 22, 2011 11:40 am 
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Hawley Super-Groupie
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Janet Street Porter walks into a bar and says "can I get a large
aperitif?".
Barman says "I f***ing doubt it."


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 22, 2011 12:28 pm 
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:*:

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 22, 2011 8:51 pm 
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Hawleytastic!
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Michael O'leary walks into a bar and asks the barman "How much is a pint of Guinness?"
€2, says the barman.
"Very good" says Michael, "I'll have a pint so".
"Would you like a glass with that?" says the Barman

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PostPosted: Sat Mar 26, 2011 11:54 pm 
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Hawleytastic!
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Man comes home from pub tells wife "Just heard our window cleaner's had every woman in this street bar one" Wife says "What! Bet it's that stuck-up cow from No. 23

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 19, 2011 4:36 pm 
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A mate of mine was in court today charged with murdering a guy using sandpaper, he's pleading not guilty, as he only meant to rough him up a bit. :*:

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Hoarding money is like saving sex for your old age....


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 19, 2011 5:36 pm 
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Location: Chesvegas
:*: :*: :*:


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PostPosted: Tue May 03, 2011 8:38 am 
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Hawleytastic!

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Location: born in Sheffield
johnny wrote:
Man comes home from pub tells wife "Just heard our window cleaner's had every woman in this street bar one" Wife says "What! Bet it's that stuck-up cow from No. 23


Had to think a second there Johnny...........*...... :D :D :D


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PostPosted: Tue May 10, 2011 11:26 am 
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Hawleytastic!

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This has had me crying with laughter all morning.

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/soci ... 105103791/

Going to use the idiot spawn expression from now on. x


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PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2011 12:35 pm 
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Hawleytastic!
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A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go to the shop and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6."

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, "Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had eggs."

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PostPosted: Sat May 28, 2011 12:33 am 
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Hawleytastic!
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A silly one from Chris Evans this morning:

What did the Zero say to the Eight?
Where did you get your belt?

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PostPosted: Wed Jul 27, 2011 9:59 am 
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Jimmy Saville walks into a faulty time-machine. Now .. then ... now ... then.

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