Richard Hawley

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PostPosted: Fri Jul 29, 2011 12:29 pm 
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Hawley Super-Groupie
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:*: :*: :*: :roll:


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 05, 2011 6:28 pm 
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The other day a policeman came up to me and said 'My sniffer dog tells me you've been taking drugs'
I said 'ME???? YOU'RE the one with the fucking talking dog!'


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 06, 2011 10:46 am 
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Hawleytastic!
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Drag queen says to the Catholic priest - "Honey, I love your dress but did you know your hand bag is on fire".

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 11, 2011 7:45 pm 
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Hawleytastic!
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Little Richard's will includes an unspecified item, a toilet cleaning device and copious amounts of panda food. In other words; a wotnot, a loo-mop, a lot of bamboo

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 26, 2011 2:05 pm 
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Hawleytastic!
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A bloke walks in to a pub and says to the barman "I'll have a double entendre".
So the barman gave him one.

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 02, 2012 5:38 pm 
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Thank you Facebook :*:

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On the dry & dusty road, the nights we spent apart alone, I need to get back home to cool, cool rain.


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 13, 2012 1:54 pm 
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Gimmie 6 !
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Wife says to husband "i've bought some ice cream you want some"

"how hard is it" he replies

"it's as hard as your cock when you're thinking of me" she says

"aye go on then, pour me a glass" says the husband

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 18, 2012 12:29 pm 
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Donkey Cock
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police are treating the death of joe frazier as suspicious. they are suspecting fowl play and are grilling george foreman


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 18, 2012 12:33 pm 
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Donkey Cock
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At any time, the urge to sing The Lion Sleeps Tonight is never more than a whim away


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 18, 2012 12:40 pm 
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Donkey Cock
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The January Sales are a bloody joke.

Went to Boots, they dont sell boots.

Went to Currys, they dont sell curry.

Went to Selfridges, they dont sell fridges.

And that Virgin Megastore was just a massive letdown !


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 06, 2012 2:54 pm 
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My wife and kids left me because they said I spent too much time watching horse racing. I'm looking at them getting into the car right now. And...they're off!!

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 06, 2012 4:17 pm 
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Hawleytastic!
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RP wrote:
A bloke walks in to a pub and says to the barman "I'll have a double entendre".
So the barman gave him one.



Ha ha! Just looked back at my own joke there and it made me laugh I must say.

Also I'll be using the one about George Foreman for sure.

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PostPosted: Sat Feb 11, 2012 1:53 pm 
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I need a life
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There's this bloke who every time he goes to the pub he ends up getting so shitfaced that he always chucks up down the front of his shirt. His wife has got so pissed off with him coming home with vomit all down his front that she tells him that next time it happens he's out of the house; he can find somewhere else to live. Weekend comes around and he goes off to the pub, with the wife reminding him what will happen if he comes home covered in sick. Down the pub his mate asks why he's taking it easy on the beer? He explains the situation and his mate says "no problem, stick a £20 note in your top pocket and if you go home covered in puke tell your missus that a total stranger was sick on you, and he gave you the £20 to get the shirt cleaned". Of course he gets totally wankered and the usual happens, but remembering his mates plan he puts £20 in his top pocket. When he gets home his wife takes one look at him and goes off on one, telling him to get out of the house. So the husband protests his innocence, tells the story about the stranger being sick on him and giving him £20 to get his shirt cleaned. With that, he puts his hand in his pocket and hands over the money to his wife. She looks at the money and says "there's 40 quid here, where did the other £20 come from? Husband replies, "oh, that's from the bloke that shat in my pants".


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 15, 2012 2:28 pm 
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Hawley Super-Groupie
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Two policemen came to my door last night and holding a picture of my wife, they said: "Is this your wife, sir?"

Shocked, I answered, "Yes." They said, "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus."

I said, "I know, but she has a lovely personality."


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 16, 2012 4:17 am 
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Location: Beside the big aeroplane.
Met this cracking girl the other night. She seemed really keen on me so I asked her back to my place. ''Well, I would,'' she said, ''But I'm on my menstrual cycle'' ''Don't worry'', I said, ''I'll follow you on my Norton''.

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On the dry & dusty road, the nights we spent apart alone, I need to get back home to cool, cool rain.


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