Richard Hawley
http://richardhawleyforum.co.uk/

jokes for the pissed off
http://richardhawleyforum.co.uk/viewtopic.php?f=22&t=4216		 Page 3 of 86
Author:  simong [ Thu Feb 02, 2006 4:15 pm ]
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Thanks for that Paul. I'm glad I didn't have the seafood cocktail sarnie from M&S for me dinner! :pukel:
Author:  Cesar [ Thu Feb 02, 2006 4:39 pm ]
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Thanks a lot Paul! :shock: :silent: :roll:
Author:  hairyonion [ Thu Feb 02, 2006 4:49 pm ]
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TGAPaul wrote:
one from the old school here and disgusting so i'm going out on a limb

little jimmy comes down stairs on xmas day and says
"grandma has a prawn upstairs".
His mother says
"you must be mistaken we had turkey not prawns".
little jimmy now a little upset says
"no she does have a prawn she does".

so mother pondering on what he is on about goes upstairs with jimmy to investigate further. on entering the bedroom they see grandma laid on the bed with her skirt round her neck and pants/bloomers round her ankles.
jimmy points
"look grandma has a prawn".
mother
"no jimmy thats not a prawn, thats grandmas tupence".

"well it tastes like a prawn" jimmy replies

I APOLOGISE WHOLE HEARTEDLY



I think I've just wet meself-sick but great-hahahhaha :*: :*: :*:
Author:  the boy hoy [ Thu Feb 02, 2006 5:49 pm ]
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what goes, blonde, black, blonde, black, blonde, black?

A blonde doing cartwheels
Author:  Dave Woodcock [ Thu Feb 02, 2006 6:23 pm ]
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i dont come on the board to hear this kind of filth!!!! :shock:

i can get that at home.

:wink:
Author:  hairyonion [ Thu Feb 02, 2006 6:33 pm ]
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I DO!!!! Anymore Paul???!!!! :*: :*: :*:
Author:  Dave [ Fri Feb 03, 2006 2:04 pm ]
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A man takes his dog to the vet. He says "Doctor, I think my dog is dead." The vet puts the dog on the table and leaves the room. He comes back in holding a cat. The cat sniffs the dog's ears and nose, before walking all over him. "Yes your dog's dead I'm afraid," says the vet. "that will be £525 please." The man is outraged. "£525! What for?"
"Well," explains the vet, "it's £25 for the visit and £500 for the cat scan."
Author:  Michelvis [ Fri Feb 03, 2006 2:04 pm ]
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Groan! :*:
Author:  Dave [ Fri Feb 03, 2006 2:11 pm ]
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A bus full of nuns die when it crashes. When they are stood at the gates of Heaven, St Peter appears and says to the first nun, "Have you ever come into contact with a penis?" The nun replies, "I touched one with my finger once." St Peters replies, "Dip it in the holy water." The second nun says "I held one in my hand once." So she puts her hand in the holy water. All of a sudden a nun pushes her way to the front of the queue and says, "If I'm gonna gargle that holy water I want to do it before Sister Mary puts her arse in it."
Author:  Eoin [ Fri Feb 03, 2006 2:12 pm ]
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Dave wrote:
A bus full of nuns die when it crashes. When they are stood at the gates of Heaven, St Peter appears and says to the first nun, "Have you ever come into contact with a penis?" The nun replies, "I touched one with my finger once." St Peters replies, "Dip it in the holy water." The second nun says "I held one in my hand once." So she puts her hand in the holy water. All of a sudden a nun pushes her way to the front of the queue and says, "If I'm gonna gargle that holy water I want to do it before Sister Mary puts her arse in it."



hahaha :*: excellent ! :D
Author:  Cesar [ Fri Feb 03, 2006 2:12 pm ]
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:*:
Author:  Dave [ Fri Feb 03, 2006 2:13 pm ]
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I thank you!
Author:  erpisle norrid [ Fri Feb 03, 2006 2:51 pm ]
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> Brian, the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that
>they make, is taking a stroll down his local high street. As he passes by
>the record shop, a sign catches his eye. "Just Released - New LP - Wasps
>of the World & the sounds that they make - available now"
>
> Unable to resist the temptation, Brian goes into the shop. "I am the
>world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make.
> I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the
>window."
>
> "Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like
>to
>step into the booth and put on the headphones, I'll put the LP on for
>you."
>
> Brian,, goes into the booth and puts on the earphones. Ten minutes
>later,
>he comes out of the booth
> and announces, "I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and
>the
>sounds that they make and yet I recognised none of those."
>
> "I'm sorry Sir", says the young assistant. "If you'd care to step into
>the
>booth, I can let you have another 10 minutes."
>
> Brian steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones. Ten minutes
>later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head. "I don't
> understand it", he says, "I am the worlds leading expert on European
>wasps
>and the sounds that they make, and yet I still can't recognise any of
> those!"
> "I really am terribly sorry", says the young assistant... "I've just
> realised I was playing you the bee side!"
>
Author:  Katie [ Fri Feb 03, 2006 3:12 pm ]
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:roll: :D
Author:  Michelvis [ Fri Feb 03, 2006 3:17 pm ]
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Hahaha! Oh my god, that is such a bad joke! hahaha! :*:
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